A BLACK HISTORY MONTH CAROL

A BHM Carol

Disclaimer: This is just an idea that I am running with, I am in no way qualified to interpret the African-American experience.

Characters

Donald Trump- P1

Martin Luther King Jr, Slaver, Driver, Obama.-P2

Frederick Douglas, Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks-P3

Scene 1

Trump alone onstage at podium in front of curtains

Trump

“I am very proud now that we have a museum on the National Mall where people can learn about Reverend King, so many other things. Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I noticed. 

MLK Voice

WHAT!?

Trump

(looks around) Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, and millions more black Americans who made America what it is today. Big impact. “

(Lights dim and curtains open to reveal white house.  Trump slips into comfortable attire. Trump is home at the white house, the bust of MLK is visible and seems very statuesque when not speaking)

Trump

Time for my intelligence briefing (Turns on Fox News)

Newscaster Voiceover

(Several newscasters dialogue)

“Good Evening fellow Americans, and welcome to Fox News.  This morning President Trump delivered a moving speech in honor of Black History Month”

“Yes, it’s really amazing, when you see him speak about African Americans you can tell that he gets it, he just gets it.”

MLK VOICE

Not True

Trump

huh?

Voiceover

“That’s right, and that’s why black people love him, they see him as a brother.”

MLK VOICE

NO!

Trump

*Muting News*(Pause to listen) I’m just hearing things.  What great news.  That’s real news right there.  I think it, they say it.  Let’s see what’s happening on the radio.

Radio

...coming up, in celebration of Black History Month we have Michael Jackson with, “Thriller.”

Trump

What? What? Michael Jackson was white when he wrote Thriller, I signed the paperwork myself.  The internet must be warned of this. (Tweeting) “Can’t even turn on radio without being attacked with lies, such a shame. Terrible media, Goodbye NPR.” 

(The bust stands up and walks forward)

MLK

Stop Right There!

Trump

Get out thief!

MLK

Shutup racist, I am Martin Luther King Jr. and I am here to deliver a very important message.

Trump

You aren’t Martin Luther King, he was shot. Very dead.

MLK

 Be WARNED!  You have courted hate and bigotry throughout your campaign, and if you don’t reform you shall SWIM IN HELL!

Trump

Your information is bad. You have bad information.  My information is good.  It says no swimming in hell. No swimming.

MLK

This night, by the strike of three you will be visited by three spirits to show you the error of your ways.  Take heed, for you will not receive this gift again! 

Trump

There are no errors here pal. I’m an error eraser.  I erase errors. *MLK disappears* Uggg, what the Dickens was that? Surely just some bad chicken back to haunt me.  Saying such strange things, such silly ideas.  It's all non-sense, the blacks love me.  I said it, the tv says it, I got every black vote. I'll just push it from my mind and shut down KFC.  Just sleep it off.

(Lies down in bed)  Goodnight Hair, Goodnight hidden taxes safe, Goodnight golden shower.

(Trump is still in his bed but the setting is changed around him to a wooded landscape.)( A brown spotlight remains upon Trump throughout this scene)

(Harriet Tubman rushes in)

Harriet

Get up! Hurry! They are almost upon us.

Trump

What! Where am I?

Harriet

There is no time, if they find us they will kill us, we have to run. 

(grabs Trumps arm and they start running)( Dog barking is heard in background)

Trump

Why are we running?

Harriet

Your master has almost caught us, damn dogs barking gave them  away though, we need to get to the river to drop our scent.

Trump

My master?  Don't worry miss, I can handle this.  I'll just have a talk with the gentleman and sort things out.

Harriet

Have you done gone and lost your mind, you're a slave, they ain't going to do no bargaining with a slave.

Trump

Why would I listen to you?  You look like a slave yourself,  I like people who weren't captured.  I'll handle this situation myself.

Harriet

You damned fool. (Flees offstage)

(Enter slaver with dogs)

Trump

Good Evening sir, I'd like to spe/

Slaver

Get 'em! (Dogs jump on trump)

Trump

NO!

Slaver

(WHistles his dogs to stop attacking and punches trump in the face, flips him over and starts to hogtie him)

Trump

Stop. I (gets punched in the head) No I (Punched Again)

Slaver

You one dumb boy for running away.  Your master gonna have his way with you. (Punch Trump square in the face) *Blackout*

(Trump wakes up screaming)

(Feels his face, and looks in mirror, clearly still shaken)

Trump

It wasn't real.  It wasn't real.  God that was scary.  Dogs are terrifying.  Is Bob Barker still getting those things neutered?...  Could that have been the spirit?  Ha! I'm being ridiculous, there is no such thing as spirits.  Being the president is just getting to me a little,  I need to get my sleep.

(Lies back down) Goodnight polar bear carpet,  Goodnight mexican cleaning people, Goodnight Spray Tan

(Close Curtains)

Scene 2

(Bus established in front of curtains.  Rosa Parks is sitting onstage in seat of bus, bus driver is also in seat.  Trump feel free to break 4th wall.  Trump is ignoring the historical event and focusing on his environment)

(Enter Trump)

Driver

Alright Lady, the white sections all filled up, you're gonna have to move back.

Trump

What is this place? It’s revolting, just sick.

Driver

It’ll just be one moment sir.  Move back now ya’ hear.

Rosa

No

Trump

Piss. This whole place smells like piss.  Like I've been dipped in piss.

Driver

Whatya mean no. There is no NO. Move it.

Trump

Is it you?(points at audience member)

Rosa

I will not. I don’t think it’s right. I paid my fare. 

Trump

Are you a homeless man? What is this place?

Driver

It’s the law. Are you going to make me get the cops?

Rosa

Looks that way. I don’t plan on moving.

Trump

Is this Haiti? I don’t get it.

Driver

See this shit. This is why buses are always late. This shit right here. (Exits to notify police)

Trump

I’m not going to touch anything in here.

Rosa

(Turning to Trump) This isn’t justice.

Trump

I know. It’s awful. It stinks so bad it could kill a cockroach.

Rosa

You can’t allow the law to persecute people based on color.

Trump

Is that why I’m here? Did you bring me here to ambush me with attack questions?  Spinning this against me for your fake media?  Well, guess what, you can’t ambush me, I’m unambushable. Too smart. Massive Intelligence. ‘Uge. Smarter than that guy. And him there. Oh him certainly.  So I’m out of here. (Hand gestures) BING.  BING BONG.

Rosa

But Trump!

Trump

Bing Bong

(As Trump walks offstage the driver comes back on)

(To Driver) Hey, Get er’ out of here.

(Trump Exits.  The Driver then escorts Rosa Off. Black)

Scene 3

(Trump wakes up again panting, this time angry)

Trump

Awful.  Terrible Nightmares.  Why do they taunt me?  Surely no man should ever have to experience the world of horrors that have followed me tonight.  Terrible. God Awful.  My first hair might have just turned gray.  Why is this happening to me?

(Enter Obama)

Obama

Isn’t it obvious there buddy?

Trump

Obama? Why are you here? Why are you in my house.

Obama

I feel like you should know, you got the introductory speech from the man himself, Martin Luther King Jr.

Trump

Yes, we remember, with the bigotry and the hate, but I told him, he's got the wrong guy. I'm a great man, I do great things.  Why are you bothering me?

Obama

I’m here to answer your questions.  I’m sure the things that the last two spirits showed you raised a lot of questions?

Trump

No. No questions. You can leave my bedroom now.

Obama

I even brought along a special friend, Frederick Douglas to help answer them.

(Enter Frederick Douglas)

Trump

I knew you were around, doing great things.  The creeps on the internet tried to make me doubt myself, but I knew.

Obama

You really aren’t grasping this central spirits concept are you?

Trump

I said no more questions. Take your friend and go. This is the White House again.

Obama

What is wrong with you?  You aren’t trying to help people, you are only helping yourself.  You need to understand that money isn’t your job anymore. The american people are your job now.

Trump

I got elected by the largest majority since Reagan, the people love me.  Maybe if you weren’t elbow deep in hippy shit you’d be able to see that.

Obama

Just Look..

Trump

Enough Mr. Spirit, you’ve already ruined my night. Congratulations. Now do what spirits do and vanish. Bing. Vanish into the night.

(Obama and Douglas walk dejectedly offstage)

Trump

Yikes,  What a horrible night. Not enough sleeping. Im 70. I need time to sleep.

(Trump goes back to bed) Curtain Close

(Podium is placed in front of curtain. Enter Trump)       

Trump

Our nation is in crisis. Black Spirits are breaking into houses across this country.  They speak very cruelly. Very angry. Just Awful.  Nobody knows where they came from. Clinton, maybe.  Maybe that’s where all her votes came from. I don’t know.  We have our best people working on it.  I know some very smart people, upstanding people.  Taking care of everything.  Now I don’t need any fake reporting from you fake media about my spirits.  So you can put a lid right on it. BING. Because really, these spirits love me, they are coming up to me, saying, “You are great, we love what you are doing.  Came all the way back to tell you.  You’re hands. Huge.”